we have pet lesbian snakes
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize