If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
