Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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