Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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