I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
