My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize