Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
