I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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