Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
