Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
