That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
