hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
