Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
