it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
