I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
