i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
