next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize