I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
