Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
