Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize