i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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