I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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