so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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