If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
