I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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