I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
