Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
