I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
