So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
