It's Friday. Sex?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
