dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
