new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
