Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
