my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
