So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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