How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize