So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize