Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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