We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
