I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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