you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize