Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
