Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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