I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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