I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
