Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
