I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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