fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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