I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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