She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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