Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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