I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
