Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
