im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
