so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
