she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
