what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The Olympian is in my bed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
