Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
