Where did you get a picture of my penis
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
