I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
