ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
