Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize