your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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