Can Purell be used as lube?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
