I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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