For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
