i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
