We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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