i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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