shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize