My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
