I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize