in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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