so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
