mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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