I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I love you. Go after that dick
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
