lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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