coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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