I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
