If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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