You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
