JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
