U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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