I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize