did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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