so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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