While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
