Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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