i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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