Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
