apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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