I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
