If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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