Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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