He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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