You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He better not be in your backpack
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
