this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
