They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
