I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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