And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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