you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
