I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
