I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
